The Signs over Winter Break:
Aries: Spends their life savings on presents
Taurus: Makes far too many baked goods
Gemini: lowkey the grinch
Cancer: tangled in Christmas lights đ
Leo: Hitting the slopes
Virgo: finally gonna write that book (not really)
Libra: in a meat coma
Scorpio: Ho ho ho-ing it up
Sagittarius: getting turnt AF
Capricorn: break? never heard of her
Aquarius: Silently judging all of the presents
Pisces: sleeping until noon every day
What the Signs bring to Thanksgiving
Aries: Literally everything
Taurus: Turducken
Gemini: half a bottle of wine and store-bought potato salad
Cancer: The booze
Leo: The drama
Virgo: a really good but weird dessert nobodyâs ever had before
Libra: Burnt Mac and cheese
Scorpio: A ham encased in jell-o
Sagittarius: The good brownies đ
Capricorn: Bear ribs
Aquarius: Their own experimental version of green bean casserole
Pisces: Half-eaten pumpkin pie
The Signs as things you’d leave in an Uber
Aries: a Spongebob golf ball
Taurus: The phone number of their enemy
Gemini: intentionally leaves behind trash they didnât want to take care of
Cancer: phone.
Leo: their friends
Virgo: a pair of shoes
Libra: Used hotdog wrapper with dried mustard
Scorpio: Your dignity
Sagittarius: Chapstick
Capricorn: Spends ten minutes checking they didnât forget anything
Aquarius: All of their luggage
Pisces: A CD of âWeird Alâ Yankovic
The signs while playing Monopoly
Aries: Gets into a fight with the Sagittarius
Taurus: Pretends to not know whatâs going on, but is actually weirdly good
Gemini: âYahtzee!â
Cancer: Cheats their way to winning
Leo: still deciding which piece to use because they donât want the others to feel bad
Virgo: unbelievably rich
Libra: Takes jail wayyyy too seriously
Scorpio: eats the dice when they donât get the roll they want
Sagittarius: Fistfighting everyone for the Dog piece
Capricorn: Obsesses over the relative value of the color groups
Aquarius: Yells whenever any other player does anything
Pisces: Falls asleep
The Signs in High School
Aries: The class clown
Taurus: Major procrastinator that somehow has a 4.0
Gemini: the kid nobody likes
Cancer: the âhigh and mightyâ football player
Leo: Cheer Captain
Virgo: band kid for lyfe
Libra: Friends with everyone, best friends with no one
Scorpio: That one goth thatâs weirdly good at sports
Sagittarius: Naruto running down the halls
Capricorn: bro that plays music out loud down the hall
Aquarius: Runs for class president every year and never makes it
Pisces: Scene kid who only takes art electives
The Signs’ Halloween Costumes
Aries: Lady Gaga dressing up as Lady Gaga
Taurus: The Queen of Hearts
Gemini: probably some version of Chappell Roan
Cancer: An inflatable shark costume
Leo: Birthday suit
Virgo: Knight armor that they smithed themselves
Libra: The Lorax who in fact speaks for the trees
Scorpio: A dark, brooding shadow daddy
Sagittarius: Peter Pan because theyâll never grow up
Capricorn: Octavius from Night at the Museum
Aquarius: Jedediah from Night at the Museum
Pisces: A hippy grandma that smells like pee
The Signs responding to a 2 A.M. “you up?” text
Aries: Notification wakes them up, leaves it on read
Taurus: Is up watching TikTok but doesnât answer
Gemini: too busy stealing stop signs to respond
Cancer: âIâm already here⌠check the closet ;)â
Leo: No.
Virgo: definitely awake doing their seasonal midnight deep-clean
Libra: Yep playing minecraft
Scorpio: âonly if you agree to be my sacrificeâ
Sagittarius: canât answer because they lost their phone somewhere
Capricorn: phone is on DND
Aquarius: The one who sends the âyou upâ text
Pisces: Nope avoids that completely
 
 
 
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Monmouth OR 97361
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