Compiled by The Western Howl Staff
Mad Libs
Rick and Morty fan becomes “Meme Singularity”
Darien Campo | Designer
This weekend, a fan of the popular Adult Swim show “Rick and Morty” achieved a perfect state of condensed internet humor, which scientists refer to as a “Meme Singularity.”
The event occurred on Oct. 7, at a Portland McDonald’s. The popular fast-food chain was holding a special giveaway of its much sought-after Szechuan dipping sauce to tie-in with the adult cartoon.
20-year-old Western student Hunter Bryant had been waiting in line all day for the sweet sauce packet, but was disappointed to find that stock had run out by the time he had reached the front counter.
“They were all out,” a bystander told us. “So many people came for a chance to get the sauce, but there wasn’t enough for everyone.”
“I could instantly tell he was one of the crazy ones,” McDonald’s manager Tyler Blankenship said, “He had on a Rick and Morty t-shirt, Rick and Morty cap and various rage face stickers on the back of his phone – which had been playing ‘Get Schwifty’ all day.”
“They told him they were out and he just, like, lost it,” added the bystander. “He jumped on the counter and just started yelling ‘ffffffuuuu! Gimme my Szechuan sauce! I want my sauce!’ You know, just like, crazy.”
Blankenship continued, “He pulled his shirt off and started writhing on the ground, shrieking ‘I’m Pickle Rick! I’m Pickle Rick, gimme my sauce! Wubba lubba dub dub!’”
What happened next was a shock to everyone.
“It’s called a Meme Singularity,” we were told by internet scientist Tim Cailiau. “It’s a pure mass of referential matter and image macros condensed down to a single, perfect particle that absorbs pure pop culture. This pulsating particle is denser than any other object in the known universe. It’s actually quite dangerous; we will probably all die under its unstoppable power.”
McDonald’s customers looked on as Bryant ascended to a new state of internet humor in an explosion of brilliant, white light.
“We’ve theorized about Meme Singularities for years,” Cailiau continued. “But never did we think such a beautiful and rare phenomenon could happen right here on Earth.”
Scientists are excited to study the new, perfect lifeform as it expands and contracts – absorbing all the most current references it can gather. Research will continue until the condensed super-particle eventually swallows our entire planet and kills us all.
The Meme Singularity was last seen floating high above the Earth, where it communicates only in the Impact typeface.
Contact the author before the world ends at dcampo13@wou.edu
This week in completely made up horoscopes
This week in completely made up horoscopes
“500 Days of Summer:” what emotional rollercoaster did I just get into?
By: Jade Rayner 21 year old adult
If you’ve never noticed the preface at the beginning of this movie, you’ve been missing out.
I generally think “tell me a story” formula movies are lazy garbage, but somehow this one gets an exception. This, and “The Princess Bride.” Seriously though, just get into it.
“I always thought she was more of a winter person,” my friend says in response to Zooey Deschanel’s character Summer. She’s right.
The flirting in this movie is so far from subtle, they should just walk up to each other and say “hey, I’m flirting,” and live their lives from there.
I can’t handle the time switches in this movie. Thank you for the screen that shows which day out of the 500 days we are in, but it’s still a lot to keep up with.
Is Summer supposed to run over and make out with him every time he plays The Smiths? It seems like that’s what they’re getting at. No.
There is definitely a right and wrong time for method acting. These guys should probably be drunk for real, because the acting is as smooth as sandpaper.
The first half-hour summed up in one sentence: I’m not sure if I’m watching a “love story” between middle schoolers or adults, but they’re beautiful actors in general, so here we are.
“500 Days of Summer” is the only reason I want to go to IKEA. Is it actually cute? Or is there more to it? Why are they being stereotypical? And are people allowed to just make out in the beds? Think of the children.
SHE LITERALLY SAYS SHE DOESN’T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS. LISTEN UP, JOSEPH.
The post-sex musical scene is the most magical moment in the whole movie. This is how I feel every time I leave my last final.
From happiness to depression in two seconds. Thanks.
Never doubt the emotional bond between a cat and a person. This isn’t related to the movie, but it’s important to note as I am currently crying over a cat that’s not even mine.
There are a lot of awful sexist moments. How have I never noticed this before? It’s hidden behind the semi-cute nature of this movie.
TWO PERSON RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT DECIDED BY ONE, SINGLE PERSON, TOM.
Now the penis game. It’s decided: middle school.
Now this is a French film?
I would buy a greeting card that started as a poem, and then turned into a hateful revenge letter. I really don’t see the problem. Tom’s boss is far too nitpick.
The expectation vs. reality segment is killer in the worst way. But you had to see it coming. I didn’t, but that’s not the point.
There really do need to be more greeting cards featuring cats.
To sum it up, Tom is whiney and can’t get a clue. Summer is living her life mostly-honest, but doesn’t consider other people’s feelings.
IF THE GIRL’S NAME IS A SEASON, DON’T DO IT. SHE IS NOT YOUR SOUL MATE.
Contact the author at jrayner14@wou.edu
WESTERN OREGON UNIVERSITY
345 Monmouth Ave. N.
Monmouth OR 97361
503-838-8000 | 1-877-877-1593