Mount Hood

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: The signs debate which season is the best

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Of course it’s fall.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Summer because seasonal depression is real.

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Not Spring, since nature decides I can’t breathe during this time.

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Summer babyyyyy (and not just because that’s when my b-day is)

Leo 7/23-8/22

Fall in Salem, Massachusetts is a vibe

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Spring so that I can take aesthetic cherry blossom pics

Libra 9/23-10/22

Fall, because the crunchy leaves bring some sense of happiness

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Idc as long as the temp is below 69°

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Winter duh.

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Winter, that’s when I’m at the top of my game

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Winter, because my crying is up 2.5% due to seasonal depression.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Spring, because I can blame my tears on pollen allergies.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Spring Quarter

Aries 3/21-4/19  

I haven’t slept in 4 days.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

What day is it again?

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

already dropped a class, how’s your first week going?

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Does that window open? Cuz I’m gonna jump out of it

Leo 7/23-8/22

Missed my monday classes cause I thought it was sunday owo

Virgo 8/23-9/22

I Hope This Doesn’t Awaken Something In Me.

Libra 9/23-10/22

4 cups of coffee later and i’m still not ready for syllabus week

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

You never know when crime hits. My crime was taking more than 2 classes

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

*slept through their first meeting*

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

My allergies are acting up, I have a migraine, classes already have homework due. Sounds about right.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Logged onto Canvas, saw each week was locked… never dropped a class so fast.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Already assigned 150 pages to read for next week. Yay spring.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Which class drove the signs mad?

Aries 3/21-4/19  

The one with my professor that did not respond to my emails ever

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Any class with a zoom meeting during finals week

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

idk what y’all are talking abt, i taught myself this term

And they didn’t pay you? Asking for a friend -Leo

Cancer 6/21-7/22

My classes were chill⏤

Leo 7/23-8/22

Shout out to the prof who just started grading stuff from week 4. Thx for making it really difficult to study for finals owo

Virgo 8/23-9/22

I’m just glad I never have to take a literature class again

Libra 9/23-10/22

The social class. I am succumbing to the pressure of maintaining multiple jobs and school. But like whoooo Spring Break ig 

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

D, all of the above

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Oh, you know… that professor who decided that using McGraw-Hill’s connect was a good idea t(-.-t)

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

I won’t say names, but let’s just go with the prof who didn’t know how to do a ppt

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

F–k that class that didn’t grant an extension when i lost power

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

I don’t understand why I need to study English when I already speak it.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Which signs the stars think would win the bracket?

Aries 3/21-4/19  

I’d make it about halfway because I would definitely show up late

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Me.

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

me AND my split personality obvi

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Aries. Come on, they have the same name as the God of War.

Leo 7/23-8/22

Rawr XD

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Sagittarius is literally a centaur with a bow and arrow

Libra 9/23-10/22

In true Libra nature, I think everyone should win participation awards. uwu

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

If I say Sag, will they spare my life and NOT shoot me?

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Fight me, b—h

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Sagittarius is prob gonna die first

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Virgo for sure, they’re psycho

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Gemini, they just have more to work with.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: What’s driving the signs mad?

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Beets.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

When there aren’t any Uber Eats couriers in the area. 

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

a s—-y wifi connection 

Cancer 6/21-7/22

A milkshake, it’s bringing all these boys to my yard and idk why

Leo 7/23-8/22

existing

Virgo 8/23-9/22

My plants keep dying and I don’t know what to do anymore

Libra 9/23-10/22

The fact that it’s March again?? Disgusting

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Shoes that look like rats

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Waiting for the WandaVision finale….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

ya know, life

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Potatoes that aren’t baked to perfection

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Most times I find the end of the term bittersweet. Not this time.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: The signs as trending twitter hashtags

Aries 3/21-4/19  

#ballsdeep

Taurus 4/20-5/20

#gamersforgod

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

#babysfirstlawsuit

Cancer 6/21-7/22

#jarjarbinkssithlord

Leo 7/23-8/22

#BettyWhite

Virgo 8/23-9/22

#mydearestcop

Libra 9/23-10/22

#itsajokechill

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

#pogchamp

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

#howlaboutit

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

#taylorlautnersback

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

#freebritney

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

#cry

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Random!

Aries 3/21-4/19  

We used to live in an electric world

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Avatar: the Last Airbender IS anime. Argue with the wall

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

hehehe

Cancer 6/21-7/22

I’m getting more depressed by the second, let’s wrap this up

Leo 7/23-8/22

I miss you debbie come back

Virgo 8/23-9/22

This is your final warning.

Libra 9/23-10/22

If I see one more WOU student that I know on my TikTok fyp I will scream

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Do: watch a cooking show

Don’t: go to school

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

F–K YOU GABI

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

sorry i was busy playing a game abt ghosts and cults, what did you say?

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

*f a l s e*

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

“I hate to say it but I think I’m getting too old”

Western Oregon University

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Western Oregon University in Monmouth, OR is located within the traditional homelands of the Luckiamute Band of Kalapuya. Following the Willamette Valley Treaty of 1855 (Kalapuya etc. Treaty), Kalapuya people were forcibly removed to reservations in Western Oregon. Today, living descendants of these people are a part of the Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde Community of Oregon and the Confederated Tribes of the Siletz Indians.

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